EP8: Reno vs Build, Future of this Niche, Designing for Throuples, Bedrooms Are an Afterthought

Welcome to Designed for Desire, the podcast where luxury, kink, and home come together to create spaces that are anything but ordinary.

Hi, I’m Jenny, your host and the creative genius behind White Wave Design, a full-service interior design studio specializing in erotic interiors for child-free badass soulmates. I design for the weird, the wonderful, and the unapologetically unconventional. For those who crave total freedom in the comfort and beauty of home, a place where you never have to hold back. Your home becomes a part of your foreplay. 

Because this niche doesn’t exist in mainstream design, I know you have questions, and this podcast is here to answer them. You’ll hear me switch between pronouns, plurals, and titles because the relationships I work with are as beautifully varied and expansive as the people themselves, and always between consenting adults in a healthy, loving and devoted 24/7 D/s dynamic.

Whatever twists of fate, coincidences, or hidden alignments the universe set in motion, I’m so happy you're here!

Hello Wonderful Weirdo!

It is the first few days into April, and I’ve already heard robins singing, which is always a good sign that spring is on its way. There still may be 18” of snow in the backyard, but it’s melting and definitely less than the 4’ that it was. And I’m having a great hair day, which I realize you can’t see, but it always puts a little extra pep in your step.

Today I’m talking about my thoughts on full-scale renovations vs luxury new construction, where I see the future of this design niche going, designing for throuples, and why primary bedrooms are the last on the list. 

If you skipped the intro, just a little reminder that we don’t yuck anyone’s yum here, and that all scenes or scenarios I use as fictional examples of my work are between consenting adults.

SPOTIFY LINK for your listening pleasure APPLE LINK

DO YOU PREFER FULL-SCALE RENOVATION OR LUXURY NEW CONSTRUCTION?

Today we're starting off with renovation vs new construction. And which I prefer…so I love them both for different reasons and why I include both as a service that I offer through my design studio. 

Renos are fun because it feels like a puzzle to solve. There’s something very satisfying about walking into a home and seeing what’s possible. Seeing what could be opened up, moved, shifted, reimagined. It’s like the house is talking to you and you’re figuring out how far you can push it. 

But it can also feel incredibly constraining when you’re trying to work with what’s already there. And that’s the part most people don’t fully understand when they start. Ideally, you bring me in before you purchase land, before you purchase a home, or before you start a renovation. Because then we can assess together whether this is actually the right journey for you and your kinky dream list.

The limitations with an existing home and depending how far you're willing to go to renovate the exterior. There does come a point where a renovation becomes a project where you should have knocked it down and restarted from scratch. 

I will tell you the direct and kind truth. Whether what you are looking to achieve can be done with a renovation. Will the home need additions? What is it that you love about the existing home? Do you have an emotional attachment to the place? Does the home have history, memory, and familiarity? I get to reveal a home’s hidden potential but it doesn't quite work for you so we do need to do a full-scale reno which is great if you can also live elsewhere during the renovations, because the house will be gutted. 

If you alter it too much, you probably lose what you loved about it. Maybe you need a better flow in the kitchen, or we do need to add a playroom or you want a 3rd floor just for yourselves? Do you want a larger bathroom or we want to move the toilet or the sink or the shower, or install a claw foot tub. And if a five person shower is on the must-have list. Which way do the trusses go, which way do the floor joists go, needing to move electrical or plumbing. It just isn't always that simple. Sometimes those things can't be moved or to move them is altering the house maybe more than you wanted it to be altered. 

Now we’re working around a home that was never designed for you and you might still end up with a house that looks beautiful but doesn’t work for how you live.

Over to luxury new construction.

This is a completely different energy, this is absolute creative freedom!!! Every decision begins with lifestyle, not limitations. I’m not correcting a home, I’m inventing one and this is where my heart really lights up in a different way.

This is where I design things most people don’t even realize are possible, and where imagination gets really fun, because your home could be absolutely anything!!! A pirate ship hideaway, an enchanted forest, jungle hunting grounds, a Victorian gothic manor, Barbie's Dream House or a vampire lair (what happens at the castle, stays at the castle). It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It just has to make sense to you.

We can build in a secret hallway between rooms for voyeur views, “wall vents,” or a surveillance room to view and record your partner or partners getting ready for the day, masturbating, or a DP scene. Will you be masturbating or receiving oral sex in the hallway or surveillance room? Do you leave this room or hallway to join, do you want to walk far to another storey, or do you want to be right beside the room with hidden door access?

Am I designing a wet room for watersports or bukkake? Do you wear knee pads or need a kneeling pad like you’d use in a garden? Where are they to hang dry and be stored? Designing the room to be easier to clean sourcing materials and finishes that are durable, water-resistant, and intentional, so the space supports the experience without interrupting it. I’m thinking about how every surface actually performs in real life, not just how it looks.

Can this be wiped down easily? Can it handle moisture? Are there seams, grout lines, or textures that are going to trap anything? Because those are the things people don’t think about until after.

Maybe you want a tree house and a swing set inside the house so you can enjoy it all 12 months of the year, even when it’s cold and snowy here in Muskoka. This could be a room for you to rest and reset, relax while reading or doodling, and could also be a playroom.

This is what I mean when I say…designing for intimacy, pleasure, and sex isn’t just about adding a playroom. It’s about integrating it into the architecture of the home from the very beginning. And that’s why new construction is so powerful because nothing is in our way.

So when people ask me which I prefer…I love renovations for the puzzle, the challenge it presents and revealing the home's hidden potential. But my heart lies with new construction because we get to start from scratch, we get to design a home that actually reflects you and not the previous owners. Not tradition or what homes are “supposed” to look like.

Renovation challenges logistics.

New construction challenges imagination.

Most people struggle with imagination.

FUTURE OF THIS NICHE 

How do I see the role of interior design evolving to support the kink community’s needs and lifestyles? Bringing kink into the interior design conversation and vice versa. I see interior design stepping into that gap and supporting the full experience of intimacy. Not just creating beautiful rooms, but creating environments that hold the relationship, support the dynamic, and allow people to live in alignment with who they actually are.

The idea that intimacy, sex, power dynamics, and pleasure rarely, if ever, appear in interior design discussions. Kink conversations focus on psychology, safety, and consent, but rarely talk about the physical environments those experiences happen in.

As sex and sexuality become more of a part of everyday conversation, without the cloud of shame attached, I can see a path to including your home environment. The experience of sex and intimacy in surroundings that support your relationship.

There will be a split in the path, or a second lane side by side. One that moves into sexual wellness, healthy relationships, and sex lives. Conversations about regulating or disrupting your nervous system, leading into environment and colour psychology. And another lane that continues deeper into kink, fetish, and BDSM.

There is so much research and study about humans and their environments, both positive and negative effects. Bodies exist in space, power dynamics unfold in rooms.

Atmosphere is created through designing for the senses. Sight, touch, scent, and sound. When these elements are layered together intentionally, a room becomes more than beautiful. It becomes an experience. It shifts how your body relaxes, how desire builds, and how intimacy unfolds.

Have you ever noticed the difference between walking into a harshly lit restaurant with bright colours, bold patterns, and lots of noise and beeping, versus a dimly lit, darker, more monochromatic colour palette with soft music and quiet? You feel that in your body.

You spend the time to plan, discuss, have consent conversations, hard and soft limits, yes, no, maybe lists, and invest in BDSM furniture, gear, and toys. There are clubs and dungeons dedicated to kinks, fetishes, and BDSM.

Design that doesn’t limit your sexual experience to one room. Other than the bedroom, the living room sofa or shower, depending on your height differences, would be runner-ups. Do you ever have the thought, when sitting on someone else’s furniture, when the last time it saw some action was, or is it just me? Lol. If you didn’t, you probably will now. #SorryNotSorry.

There will eventually be more designers taking on this niche. I don’t believe that I’m the only one with this idea, I just might be the first one to specialize in kink focused design, but there are so many ways to specialize in sexual health and wellness.

I’ve had designers tell me what I’m doing is super cool and that they have also considered it as well. So I know there is potential for this niche to grow, just when and how. The other half of this is the clients. When people don’t know they can hire someone, or don’t even think to Google it, they don’t know that this profession exists. They may or may not have the desire for an erotic home, or find out they can. But before we can be hired, there has to be someone to hire us.

Every room we are in, decisions were made. Whether there was a lot of thought and discussion or just picking something. Do the decisions you made and the room around you feel good?

I’m bridging two worlds that both revolve around bodies, emotion, power dynamics, and atmosphere. Yet culturally they’ve been kept separate, which is why the most interesting conversations about intimacy, space, and experience are missing from both sides.

Media and Sex

There has also been chatter online, which I do try to avoid, but something snuck through. The gist is whether or not the author of an MM romance can or should be a woman. For a world that we are trying to make more inclusive, this seems a little backwards.

If we use that example, does that mean only children can write children’s books? That criminals and cops are the only ones who can write thriller novels? I feel like James Patterson has done a pretty good job with his Alex Cross series. So would that also mean I’m only allowed to design for straight couples that are white? This is a very slippery slope, people.

Creativity has no boundaries, egos, or biases.

With the rise of Heated Rivalry and Rachel Reid’s Game Changers series becoming a cultural phenomenon, there has suddenly been a lot of discussion about whether a perceived straight woman should be writing male gay characters.

And I just completely disagree with that idea. To me, art has no bounds.

Rachel wrote a beautiful love story. Her words have changed people’s lives and her own life. These books have existed for years, quietly loved by readers, and now that they’re reaching a bigger audience suddenly the conversation has shifted to questioning whether she should have written them in the first place.

And that just doesn’t make sense to me.

Rachel wrote something beautiful. Jacob turned it into something beautiful for television. And those stories have reached millions.

Women first.

And now men.

Gay men, straight men, people who had never even heard of these books before.

That’s what art does, it travels and it brings people together.

And if someone has a beautiful story in their heart, the world is a better place when they write it, not when they silence it.

Rachel writing her queer love stories doesn’t take away from you writing your own.

Write the book, draw the comic, make the movie, get out the paint brushes, share your art!

If we decided people could only write stories that perfectly matched their own life, most art would disappear overnight. Actors wouldn’t play characters different from themselves. Writers couldn’t imagine other lives. Designers couldn’t design homes for lifestyles they don’t personally live. Doctors treat illnesses they’ve never had. Chefs cook cuisines from around the world. Architects design cities they will never live in. Historians write about times they never lived through. It would all be gone.

At that point, art stops being storytelling and becomes autobiography. And those are two very different things.

Okay, that’s all I want to touch on that little rant.

With all the sex and relationship therapists, podcasts dedicated to sex, kink, and BDSM, romance novels, TV shows, and movies, with sexuality conversations shifting away from shame and toward pleasure…where does this design niche go next?

And I find it fascinating to think about.

We are talking about the future of this design niche. This one feels juicy and overwhelming all at the same time.

This gets into culture and how we view our sex lives. This gets into media and sex. This gets into why we need kink in the interior design conversation and why we need interior design in the kink conversation.

I feel like there’s starting to be this magic in the air, and I hope it keeps momentum. I hope it doesn’t fade.

Romance is the leading genre in fiction book sales, which is now having its own time to shine. We have been reading these books for decades, but culturally we’re starting to see a shift where they’re no longer seen as silly little girly books. People are acknowledging their existence, and it’s not just a joke anymore.

There are short videos, authors going on tours, book signings, and movies and TV shows are being made from these books. And dirty songs on Spotify.

For me, and many of you listening, we all have one that got us started or got us interested. You know, between Twilight, which leans more YA romance, and then the result of that was, of course, Fifty Shades of Grey, which had its pros and cons.

Everyone has their opinions, and I’m not here to sway one way or the other, but I know that it was life-changing for a lot of us. Whether you read the books first or saw the movies first, at the time it was sensational. It took the world by storm.

And maybe it shone some light for you into a world that you may or may not have known existed, and you started your own journey.

And even the book covers.

Not that long ago, maybe two to five years, the majority of romance books had a half-naked man or a couple in an embrace. And they still do, and I’m not complaining, I enjoy those covers. But I’ve noticed something interesting happening lately. Now so many of them have these cute illustrated covers. The story itself hasn’t changed or gotten less spicy, but the presentation has.

Part of that is how people discover books now. Everything lives on phones and social media, so illustrated covers photograph better, look cleaner, and feel more shareable without the constraint of the algorithm. There’s also a little bit of privacy in it. You can read something incredibly filthy on the bus, the subway, or the beach, and no one knows. The cover became a little sneaky.

Don’t let these cute covers fool you!!!

And then audiobooks. They started with one narrator doing both voices, and now there’s duet narration or full cast narration, which is so cool.

And podcasts. We now have couples, throuples, sex therapists, and everyday people talking about sex, kink, BDSM dynamics, LGBTQ+ relationships, and the human experience. These forms of media didn’t exist in the same way before. Growing up, you had a couple channels, maybe satellite, but it was still network tv and radio which would have never aired this new content. Now, with podcasts, YouTube, and social media we can all have our own channel. We’re not limited to what’s available to us through networks which is life-changing, even timeline-changing.

Art in its purest form has no ulterior motive. It doesn’t seek approval nor disdain. Art has no bounds except what we put on it.

You send it out into the world not sure if anyone is going to understand or like it, change a life or many lives. What matters more is do you like it, are you proud of it, did it change you, do you understand it? As Seth Godin says- Go make a ruckus. 

Future Predictions

Many people assume, which you should never do, that because of the work I specialize in, these soulmates are fucking all the time. Which couldn’t be further from their real life experience.

They are humans living a human experience. They sleep together or separately, they have their morning coffee, they have hopes, dreams, and fears, good days and bad days. They cuddle on the couch and binge their favourite show. Yes, they have an exciting sex life, and they are intentional about it.

More and more couples are deciding not to have children. Intimacy-forward design becomes a recognized specialty. Architects begin designing relationship-centered homes and more designers do this work and that I’m not the only one.

There are some designing playrooms, which is amazing and a great first step, and I’ve said that before. But my dream, first of all, is lube in every room. Because you never know when the mood is going to strike. You don’t want to go back upstairs to grab it.

And that we aren’t designing homes for everyone else. For guests that come twice a year. My skin is itching just thinking about it. 

I hope with this magic that’s happening right now, with all of these podcasts and TV shows and books and experts across the board, stars aligning…that there will come a day where homes are designed around intimacy, pleasure, and sex.

Where interior design becomes part of the kink conversation and vice versa. Where it’s not an afterthought. And I can see it. I can see a world where we are more open about sex. Where we start younger with real conversations so we don’t grow up repressed, embarrassed, or ashamed of our desires. Where pleasure isn’t something you earn like dessert before dinner.

So if this momentum keeps going, and we feel safe having these conversations, and we start designing our homes around how we actually live and that sex isn’t just at night, in the dark, behind a closed door like a dirty shameful secret.

DESIGNING FOR THROUPLES

I don’t see this as couples versus throuples but I think that’s what was implied. This would also apply to poly families of five or whatever your number is, just that it’s more than two. My design process remains the same. Function always comes first, and then the fun comes in after.

What changes is how you move through the home, the number of people, the number of bodies, and the number of dynamics we’re designing for. The entire home will accommodate all of you, and whether or not you entertain.

Most homes are designed for two adults. So when you start designing for three, four, or more partners, the architecture changes. It’s not just about making things bigger, it’s about making things work for how you actually live together.

Sleeping arrangements, bathroom layouts, seating, kitchens, closets, emotional privacy. All of it shifts. Do you all have sex, cuddle, and sleep together or is it sometimes or always just two of you at a time.

I sit with all three of you and then individually. Who needs alone time? Who wants to be together? Are there moments where it’s all of you, and moments where it’s one-on-one? Where do you go to retreat? Where do you go to connect? That flow between togetherness and separation becomes really important. 

There are more thoughts, opinions, likes, and dislikes, which means more decisions to navigate, but that’s part of the fun for me. That’s the detective work I enjoy, coming up with solutions and doing the research depending on how you want your home designed and the rooms you want included.

There are also considerations around how you identify and the human body experience. Penis owners, vulva owners, and those who identify as trans, what does everyone’s body need to function in the home?

Bodies exist in space, and now there are more bodies sharing that space. More movement, more routines, more overlap, sometimes more friction, sometimes more connection.

So what does it look like getting ready for the day? Do you work from home or outside the home? Do you leave at the same time? Maybe we need three offices, or maybe two of you share and one works elsewhere. A three car garage or more if you are a collector. Shoe storage in the mudroom, do we have cubbies for each of you?  

How does the home support multiple lives happening at once?

Do you all cook, or is there one of you who cooks, or none of you? Is someone sitting at the island to hang out and chat? Do you have a private chef? Do you all eat the same foods, or do you need separate prep areas- vegetarian or vegan. Maybe there’s one set of pots and pans, maybe two, maybe three. If you’re all in the kitchen at the same time, we need multiple prep areas and more than one fridge so you’re not competing for space everyday.

The same goes for the living room. Do you all cuddle together on the sofa? Then we need a deep sofa, a large sectional, something I call a Chesterbed so you can fully relax and connect without being in bed. Or do you need a living room and a den because you don’t all watch the same things at the same time?

And then there’s dining. The world is set up for even numbers. Two people at a romantic dinner, four people in a booth. When there are three or five of you, you’re constantly adapting to spaces that weren’t designed for you. So maybe we design a round table. Maybe we rethink how that experience works for you. 

Bedrooms are another big one. Do all of you sleep together? Sometimes? There’s no standard bed for that, so we’re designing custom. Which also means custom sheets. Or always two at a time? Or do you each have your own bedroom? Are they connected or serrated? 

Bathrooms too. Most primary ensuites are designed for two people. Now we need three vanities, more outlets, more storage, maybe separate zones depending on how each of you gets ready. With three water closets and three vanity areas in a bathroom common area. Does someone wear makeup? Do we need a lot of storage for that? Are you right-handed or left-handed? Do you use an electric shaver? Does someone take hours to get ready and wake up earlier than everyone else? Maybe we need soundproofing. 

And with more people, there’s also more potential for tension. Is someone more neat and tidy and the other two drive them up the wall with their disorganized chaos? Design helps reduce that by creating enough space, enough storage, enough separation so you’re not constantly competing for the same areas or stepping on each other’s toes.

Privacy also changes. It’s not just about having a door you can close. It’s visual, it’s emotional, it’s energetic. And then there’s power dynamics. Your D/s dynamic, kinks, and fetishes are not just the fun add-on at the end, they actually inform the design. Is your dynamic one Dominant and two submissives, or one switch? Who has control of certain spaces? Who has access? Where are the moments of visibility or privacy? That shapes circulation, layout, and how the home functions.

I design for how many people live in the home and I design for how they live together. 

I’m designing for your reality.

BEDROOMS ARE AN AFTERTHOUGHT

Why are bedrooms usually the worst designed room in a house? Well, I’m about to tell you!

This is one of my biggest pet peeves.

For those who aren’t building and furnishing an entire home all at once, which is the majority of people, there are very few who can fully furnish and decorate their home to look like it does in the magazines, because- budget! So most people focus on areas of the home where guests will see it. The entrance, kitchen, living room, dining room, and the main bathrooms. And then the primary bedroom is left to last.

Like it’s an afterthought. Like no one is ever going to see it, so it doesn’t matter. You just close the door and walk away. I want to point out if you haven’t clued in to the fact that YOU HAVE TO SEE IT so it actually does matter a lot!!! Old furniture from college or your wedding (which was quite a few years ago, just sayin), ripped bedding that scratches your skin so you don’t even want to roll around naked on it, maybe no artwork, maybe you don't even have proper closets or dressers, maybe a lot of decorative laundry baskets…and you might be wondering if that counts, I assure you it doesn’t!!! Maybe no window treatments…maybe you don’t even want to be in there. It says nothing about you. It’s not romantic whatsoever, and the furthest thing from sensual.

It’s just…there.

And you go years like that. Thinking someday you’ll get to it. And I will tell you so there is no surprise down the road (not sorry to burst your bubble), unless you hire someone (before you even think it- not me as I only design the entire home), you’re probably not finishing that bedroom. I have never, not once, seen someone fully finish decorating their primary suite after they’ve moved in.

If you swapped out a washer and dryer for a bed and couldn’t tell the difference between your beige and white laundry room and your bedroom you’ve got sexy problems. I also think the laundry room can be a desirable room, a space you actually enjoy being in. But I digress. We’re here to talk about your bedroom, let’s focus on one problem room at a time, lol.

So you have this completely uninspired space. You don’t feel sexy in your bedroom. You definitely don’t want to make love or fuck (sometimes the same thing). And then we wonder why intimacy feels like a chore. Like something to check off a to-do list.

You’re designing your home for guests. For people who come over twice a year. And you’re putting your entire budget into those spaces.

And leaving the one space that actually affects your relationship for last. To me, that’s what you’re saying to yourself and your love muffin or muffins. That your space, your love, your pleasure, your sex life is not a priority.

And I know a lot of that comes from designing for resale. I get it. Whether you’re planning to stay long-term or not, you’re thinking ahead. But what’s sad is you end up living there for 5, 10, 15 years and never really loving your bedroom or your home for that matter. And most of the things you’re worried about can be changed. In my world there are no white ceilings or trim and doors- you can repaint when the time comes. You can swap out lighting. You can take your furniture with you. You could have had beautiful bedding, a stunning headboard, a space that felt like you, this entire time.

Even if it’s five years. That’s five years of your life, 1,825 nights! You’ve lived so much of your life for other people, for their opinions, for what things are supposed to look like. What if you wanted a black bedroom? You can have one, yes it’s true!!! It doesn’t mean you’re installing swings in the middle of the room, but even if you did, it can be taken down. And maybe you don't have restraints coming out of the wall, but maybe they're under the mattress restraints, and that's okay too. 

And if someone opens a door you didn’t invite them to open, then that’s their problem. And must suffer the consequences of their actions, lol!!! Or have a door that locks from both sides.

Your bedroom does not have to be left to last. And if you have left it then it’s time to do something about it. This is your rallying cry. Because you get to want to be in that room. You get to enjoy it. You get to feel something positive and exciting when you walk into it.

For most people, sex happens in the bedroom, so why is it the last place you design?

Don’t leave enjoying a bedroom to only when you’re on vacation!!! Design your bedroom first. You might actually want to spend time being your totally naughty badass self.

That’s my PSA for today.

More than design. This is identity.

My intention for this episode was for you to know that you’re not alone. To feel seen, heard, and understood. To know that your desires are valid, and that a home designed to enhance your sex life is not only possible, it’s waiting for you.

Maybe you laughed. Maybe a memory tugged at your heartstrings. Maybe you had an aha moment, or whispered, “she gets me.”

If you feel that working with the White Wave Design team is for you, please visit our Design Inquiry page.

Thank you for spending this time with me and for allowing me to be part of your journey. Until next time… have joy.

Jenny 💀